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StandardDate: 21 Feb_B 00000051
Accounts are giving me a headache this morning. Apparently a good many of the Chimpanzees purchased for Project CommTalk
have been cross charged to an account owned by the Pennsylvania Kennel Club for what must be the fourth time. Rhonda keeps
swearing each time will be the last, but later sure as anything she's got that grin on her face and is muttering 'woof woof'
under her breath.
StandardDate: 20 Feb_B 00000051
Project CommTalk is getting exciting. Orson and his team powered up the MK IV this afternoon. Rather impressively it
punched a neat hole through 4 walls before it was powered off. Orson says he told me this could happen in this phase, but
I don't remember it and it's certainly no consolation to Maureen who was in the ladies room at the time. If she'd leant forward
to push a big one out, we could have killed her.
StandardDate: 16 Feb_B 00000051
Well, it looks like my aspartamine reaction didn't cause too much
damage. And so to business... I'm trying to get the Webster Dictionary to redefine 'bellicose' as an indistinct mammal wearing
a tea cosy. We've got over 1300 of the blasted things after the company knitting bee and I'm running out of marketing ideas.
Health tip to staff: Don't put clear plastic wrap over your own toilet before using it.
StandardDate:
15 Feb_A 00000051
fjeiajfeoje ooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhh ! oooooooooooooooooooh ! hubba hubba AAAAAAMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYY
AAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYYYY ug ug mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMYYYYYYYYY Want it wnat it want it want it wanti wantit want it wantit watttnit want it want it want it wanti wanti
wanti wanti wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooo URF URF URF URF URF
StandardDate: 44 Feb_A-1 00000051
I wonder if anyone has any
idea how difficult it is to get a flightless cormorant shipped to Thunder Bay. I keep pressing Rory to keep the predators
separate from the prey, but does he listen ? Does he rambo ! I put my feet up the other night and I haven't been able to get
them down since. Oh shit, somebody's put aspartamine in my coffee again. Yip-farting-eeee, another sleepless 36 hours ranting
at furniture. Please ignore this and any other blog entries till I get over it.
StandardDate: 12 Feb_A 00000051
I've noticed there's not enough room under our desks to practice line dancing footsteps. I tried propping up my own with
books, but that didn't leave enough to raise the desk.
StandardDate: 10 Feb_A 00000051
After
seeing a cleverly placed message on my car mirror this morning, I'm concerned over the lack of warning signs around our offices.
So far I've come up with 'Caution Door', 'No Cattle Roughing', 'Electrical Hazard' on the light switches, 'Wolf Adventure'
on the lavatory cubicles and of course 'Radiation Hazard' on our water coolers.
StandardDate: 09 Feb_A
00000051
Time to start a new project. So far we're working on resolving the contradictions in all the modern religions, creating
the first reliable bible, and contacting God. Perhaps we could do something useful either in the field of climate change
or deviant sexual behaviour. I want it to have a catchy name, say Operation Hot Sex. That's certainly better than Operation
Deviant Weather.
StandardDate: 07 Feb_A
00000051
I've been thinking of redesigning the sporran in something like latex so that it hangs more naturally like a mans undercarriage.
Should reduce chafing and with the modern colours available the opportunities for fashion statements are numerous. Just
had a thought. If we attached a small gas bottle to it, we could get it to inflate in emergencies.
StandardDate: 05 Feb_A 00000051
I have a vision. Someday our offices and labs will move out of Thunder Bay and into a really dark cave in Utah.
We'll hang fake animals in the tunnels and call everybody Your Holiness. Now that is something to look forward to.
There is something deeply unsettling about the way Orson giggles like a schoolgirl every time he visits Rhonda in the
accounts department. What's really disturbing is how Rhonda moans everytime I say the word 'schoolgirl'. Still,
it could be worse, we had a fellow in the warehouse who used to play pocket volleyball before he milked the sheep.
StandardDate: 04 Feb_A 00000051
Delays, delays, delays ! Orson tells me that something called a re-fragulator has been shipped to us with its dishrods
incorrectly machined. Rhonda is trying to establish a new line of line of credit with the local hardware superstore
so that we can buy the materials to turn new ones on a lathe.
StandardDate: 02 Jan_B 00000051
'Kinky' the company mascot, is on his last legs and it looks like he probably won't last until the company picnic, even
if we freeze him. From past experience frozen aged goat does not barbecue well, so we'll probably just put some fangs
in his mouth and bury him in a coal seam. It drives the local fossil hunters nuts !
StandardDate: 29 Jan_A 00000051
I'm going to have to watch the female staff around Tony Pluggole. Last night, the janitor found Rhonda sitting
backwards on Tony's chair, moving her pelvis and grunting. I checked the CCTV footage, but she had her clothes on.
It'll only be a matter of time before they're licking the hair gel from his keyboard.
I've proofread the pamphlet 'Things To Do With Cheese', no real winners on the sexual front there I'm afraid.
StandardDate: 27 Jan_A 00000051
I'm considering having all the staff wear cowls. I think it would be a great morale booster.
StandardDate: 26 Jan_A 00000051
I've been trying for hours now to build a giant phallus out of snow in the grounds outside as a psychology test for our
new recruits. Hopefully at least one of them will ask me what the F*** I think I'm doing. The trouble is, it's
the wrong kind of snow and I keep getting a shape either like the speaking clock or Rory Telk.
StandardDate: 25 Jan_A 00000051
Who the hell invented sausage on a stick ? Damn thing caught in my car door as I was trying to take a bite
and I nearly killed a passing cyclist. Note to self, remove stain from trousers. Second note to self, remove trousers
next time I'm giving my sausage a nibble.
It looks like Amy's been out on the town again. This means yet again an extra half hour editing her advice column
to remove the explitives and this thing she has against seventh day adventists. The smell of cider was so strong the
chemical warning bell sounded in the post room.
StandardDate: 24 Jan_A 00000051
A dark day today. I keep getting these incredibly powerful urges to press parts of my carnal anatomy against
the television. Britney keeps lusting at me over the electromagnetic waves from MTV.
On a lighter note, Rory Telk has taken up rugby.
One line of research I'd like Team C to follow is why Post Modernists were so interested in Posts.
StandardDate: 22 Jan_A 00000051
Anger management classes not working. Went to the mens bathroom today and saw a new towel dispenser. The
sign on it said "Pull down and Tear Off", so I did. Now we don't have any way to dry our hands until the new one is
installed at the end of the month.
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